Falling off the Pedestal

From Perfect to Human –

Actually, I sort of came crashing down and in a moment of feeling completely overwhelmed, I “snapped” and yelled at my daughter.

Changing schedules, communication issues, opposing priorities, extra projects, more bad news, grey skies, construction delays everywhere I turn and men banging on the top of my roof as I try to concentrate. Then, one final straw. It was too much for one day.

The calm, collected, do it all with ease, working mother of two fell off the “perfect pedestal” and scratched her” Mother of the Year” tiara…once again.

My initial reaction was complete disappointed in myself. Then sadness that I had taken it out on my daughter, who although a teenage girl and therefore, not the most sensitive of the events of my day, did not deserve that kind of outburst. Overall, I felt bad for not being perfect.

In the hours following my fall from perfect, I started to shift to a better space. The space I would come from if I was providing support or encouragement to another person with a similar story. Why didn’t I go straight to a place of compassion and understanding? The reality is not only do we hold ourselves to higher standards than we hold others, but we are also far less kind to ourselves. I did, however, manage to shift to a space of kindness called, I too am human.

Perfect is defined as “an ideal, an absolute or lacking nothing to the whole.” Setting ourselves up to such a standard means failure is often inevitable.  The issue lies in how we treat ourselves after the failure –how we beat ourselves up and feel much less.  We would never hold any other human being to this standard or talk to them like we talk to ourselves after we slip from perfect.

If we can shift from “perfect” to “human” it will serve us much better.  My definition of human means doing the best that I can do in each moment and when my performance or response is not at a standard that I strive for, using my energy to re-evaluate and consider how I can do better next time. Being human instead of perfect shifts our response to failure from a negative to a positive space that lets us evolve and grow.

Once I shifted to human this week, I stopped crucifying myself. I used my energy instead to apologize to my daughter and help her understand my response was not her fault. I went to Restorative Yoga to give myself some much needed care and attention, I took a deep breath and put things into perspective – the things of this week that are causing me to feel overwhelmed will also pass.

In the not so distant past I would have still been spending my energy beating myself up. Letting go of perfect has not been easy for me but I do see the benefits and growth since embracing a kinder approach to myself and others.  So for the other perfectionists out there I invite you to consider the benefits of being kinder to yourself ; let go of perfect – embrace human.