Without it we would never evolve, grow or create better experiences.
I like to think of myself as quite adept to change. You sort of have to be when you teach others how to be skilled change leaders.
But when change happens in the emotional, heart space I find it so much harder. Grieving, a broken heart and letting go…
They all suck!
Today I feel overwhelmed with tears welling right at the surface. I could burst into a big ugly cry at any given moment. Oh right, I did. Twice. It feels like everything I have been trying to synthesize in my head, be strong about and move forward from, like the strong optimistic gal that I am, just bubbled to the surface today.
And I feel very alone.
Grief – Next weekend is Father’s Day and for the past few days I have been missing my dad so very much. Whoever says grief gets easier each and every day hasn’t really experienced the moments where it sneaks back up on you and rips your heart out again. That is where I am at right now.
Heartbreak – You know the feeling when you finally meet someone whose soul sees your soul. You have an epic, deeply connected love with this person and then it doesn’t work out. You spend months…or years if you are as crazy as I am with a glimmer of hope that you will reunite and live Happily Ever After. Then reality hits and you finally know it is time to really let go. That is where I am at right now.
Letting Go – With June comes the end of another school year; another dance year; another season of Spring hockey. Larger shoes sizes and interest in new grown up TV shows. Plans for a most memorable Sweet 16 trip to Seattle and you realize – holy shit, where did the time go? What happened to my babies? And the worst part – they do not need me anymore and soon they will be gone. That is where I am at right now.
I know that with endings come new beginnings but right now, in this exact moment, I am deep in my humanness – the emotion that comes with moving through change.
The positive thing is that all this emotion bubbling up and taking over means that I am not stuck. I am moving forward. Transformation feels yucky when you are deep in it. But deep in it means you are half way to the other side of it and that is positive forward momentum.
So cheers to the tears to change!
Photo Credit – Milada Vigerova