My story is all about change. I was a chameleon for most of my life, until at the age of 31 I found myself single again, after a ten year relationship ended. I have spent a lot of time sitting and thinking about why that was. I now understand that I used to change who I was to fit who I was with at the time. I never really relaxed and let myself just be. With the help of a few friends, we have chipped away and I am now comfortable being me. Since then I have discovered that I am a beautiful person, who is strong, caring, loving and forgives freely. Now, I even stop and play now enjoying moments as they happen. I try to stay in the moment because I am aware that now, in this very moment it’s all I really have!
What has been YOUR biggest challenge or life obstacle that YOU feel has dimmed YOUR GLOW?
Fear always took my power away. I always worried about things happening. For example, when I was first single, I thought that there was something horribly wrong with me; that I had failed at a 10 year relationship. But after removing those false thoughts of insecurity and realizing that I wasn’t horribly damaged; that it was a part of my past and that I was going to be perfectly fine, I was able to move on. There are parts of my single journey that have totally shown me that I am capable of making things happen on my own. I am stronger and able to handle things that I was previously afraid of. Realizing that insecurities are normal and that all people have them has really helped me and I realize I am not alone.
How have YOU grown as a woman in the last year? What lessons, insights or ah-ha moments have you had?
I have learned that vulnerability with myself is vital. First, I had to rebuild trust with myself. This took time. I had never really cried when I was growing up and I had to learn that it was safe to let that happen. I cried a lot a few times- letting myself shake and feel the emotion was so freeing. I used to bottle up my emotions it because I didn’t feel safe enough to release them. This has been my biggest a’ha moment and it only happened this past Valentine’s Day.
On that day it all came up. For the first time I allowed myself to grieve my 4 miscarriages, the true and deep loneliness I felt all those years being with him. How I felt the day he returned from Toronto after my final miscarriage and expressed a sense of relief. My decision after that to get an IUD, more so to protect my heart than to actually prevent a pregnancy. And, the fact that he was now getting married for real which shook me to the core. It all came up. I let go, I felt all that pain and I cried. But it was then that I truly forgave him from moving on from me and I was happy that he found happiness.
What else do YOU want to share with the YOU GLOW GIRL!® Community?
True love begins with you loving yourself. In the past I always depleted my love tank by giving all my love to everyone around me without refilling my own love tank. Take the time to know, love and cherish yourself. You are the only one at the end of the day that can, no matter what your relationship status is. I struggle with the saying, “happy wife, happy life” as I think it infers that it is the man’s responsibility to maintain his wife’s level of happiness; however, only one person has the power to make her happy – that would be herself. And at the end of the day you choose your responses and your attitudes! That is your choice! Enjoy the moments, smile and share yourself- there is no other people out there just like you!
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