My name is Kelly Covert, and I am a mother, a wife, a coach, a musician, a daughter, sister and friend, but most of all I am just me. I just turned 41 years old on Saturday, and now I can also stand up and proudly say that I am a recovering perfectionist.
Most of my life I have been driven by being better, and it took me a really long time to recognize that all of that over-achieving was coming from a place of not enough – not good enough, not skinny enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough – not enough.
My journey away from perfectionism began when my first son was born. He was challenging from the get-go, and it was feeling like it wasn’t getting any easier. I did my normal routine of reading every single book I could get my hands on in my efforts to be a better mom, because, once again, in my mind I was not good enough. When he was in kindergarten he was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. I was devastated, but I was also secretly relieved because that meant it wasn’t my fault. My relief was brief though because now there was a whole new way I could fail as a mother.
It all came rushing to me one night as I lay in his bed while he was asleep. I had gone into his room because I wanted to be around him and not be angry and frustrated. As I lay there I realized I wasn’t angry and frustrated with him, I was angry and frustrated with myself, and I was tired of feeling that way. I was tired of feeling like I wasn’t a good mother to my child. I realized that in my efforts to be perfect I was denying him the really good mother that I am.
I will never be perfect, and that old perfectionism still comes up for me now and then, but I have come to a place where I love who I am today – in all my imperfection and with all of my flaws. Accepting myself in this way has allowed me to accept others in this way as well, and has created a sense of love and compassion that I never felt before, when I was trying so hard to be what I could never be.
What has been YOUR biggest challenge or life obstacle that YOU feel has dimmed YOUR GLOW?
Definitely parenthood has been my biggest challenge. It wasn’t parenthood that dimmed my glow, though, it was my own negative thoughts and words that I would punish myself with day after day that did that.
As women we tend to believe the negative thoughts that are on replay in our minds as truth – proving that we are all of the things we say to ourselves. We berate ourselves, talking to ourselves in a way we would never dare speak to one of our friends or even our enemies. Once I was able to recognize these thoughts for what they were – lies that keep me stuck – I was able to start changing how I spoke to myself and talk to myself. I started to realize that I am good enough today, no matter what. I am worthy today.
How have YOU grown as a woman in the last year? What lessons, insights or ah-ha moments have you had?
I declared last year my “Year of Underachieving.” It sounds crazy, I know, but I finally gave myself permission to let go of not good enough and all of the trying harder that comes with that. During that time I have realized that I still get a lot done, but it is all stuff that makes me feel good instead of empty achievements that just leave me feeling like what’s next. If I focus on how I want to feel instead of what I have or need to do, my daily life flows with much more ease.
I also spend a lot more time now on taking care of myself. I take the time to fill myself up spiritually and emotionally, and in return I am able to be of service to others. Once I started seeing the importance of this kind of self-care, my coaching business started growing, I was able to connect with women on a deeper level, and I was able to be a better mother to my children.
What else do YOU want to share with the YOU GLOW GIRL!® Community?
If I could just say one thing to all the women who are reading this it would be you, yes you, are worthy today of all of your hopes and dreams. You are good enough today – before you finish X, Y or Z, before you lose that last 10 pounds, before you fit into skinny clothes or have the perfect relationship – you are enough. Thank you for being you because the world needs you, yes, YOU!
With gratitude for who you are today,
My website is: www.strongbodywholeheart.com
You can listen to our free audio podcast, The Strong Body Whole Heart Podcast, on iTunes and Stitcher.
You can find me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/StrongBodyWholeHeart
Instagram at www.instagram.com/sbwheart_Kelly and
Twitter at www.twitter.com/sbwheart
Every woman has a story. Glow Girls are women who are consciously creating the lives their hearts and souls desire even though life has presented them some challenges and bumps along the way. Their light shines through the cracks creating GLOW. Every week we feature a new GLOW GIRL and her story. Don’t miss it! Join the YOU GLOW GIRL! Community on Facebook. Want to share your story? Email me at email@example.com to become a Glow Girl!
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