You are probably not surprised to hear that there is a huge increase of people using online dating services in North America, yet the number of singles is higher than ever. In fact a 2014 US statistic put the percentage of singles at 50.2%.
There are different ways to interpret this information; however, I believe it indicates that people truly desire to be in monogamous partnerships, but are having a difficult time finding a match, even with the new candidate selection technology available to us thanks to online dating.
I had my first experience with online dating just last year in 2014 when I signed up for Match.com. If you read What Men Need to Know About Online Dating, you will get a sense of how that experience went for me. We could sum it up as less than dazzling!
As a result I took a 6 month hiatus from online dating to become clear on what I need and most importantly how I want to feel in a relationship. I believe that served me well. Just last month I thought I would give it another shot. I bravely re-entered the world of online dating; only this time I chose e-Harmony.com.
I have had several conversations and two dates so far. Although the suitability of men has been much better than my first go round, I have not yet found a candidate suitable to be “my one.”
So is online dating an effective way to meet the one?
Although online dating increases your exposure to more people, no online platform to date can match for chemistry, communication intimacy or how a person ultimately makes you feel.
Think about other dating formats you have experienced. Typically you meet in person and get to know them a little bit before you consider dating.
You see that cute guy in Psychology 101 or you have a meeting with that oh so intelligent girl at the office. You strategically plan to sit next to him during the lunch period or bump into her at the water cooler. You talk and interact face to face. You see his expressions or feel her energy. Most importantly you get a sense of how that person makes you feel. Once that is established you move to dating.
With online dating the process is turned upside down. You begin by looking at photos and reading information about a stranger. That moves to a conversation online and you eventually meet up. Because most of the discussion is by email it is difficult. Because we tend to read email from our own perspective, we often read it the way we would like to experience it. We make it fit our vision for what we are hoping for. Then you meet and often there is no connection.
Although online dating is the most popular dating approach today, it is important to remember that it is just a tool. Only 18% of matches online last more than 12 months. But you do not have to be a statistic! You can make online dating or any other form of dating more successful by including these four keys to success:
1. Be clear before you begin – Many people roll their eyes when they hear of the infamous “list.” They believe that having a list of defined qualities and desired relationship feelings is being too picky. Well let me tell you what happens when you do not have clarity around what you need and how you desire to feel in a relationship. You enter into relationships hoping they will work out, but in the long run they do not meet your needs so they end. You are left feeling disappointed and like you will never find “the one.”
I am thinking this why only 18% of online dating relationships last more than 12 months. People begin the process before gaining clarity. The online platform cannot tell you what you need and how you desire to feel in a relationship. You need to do the work up front. There are two ways to do this. The first is to go on a lot of dates and learn what you like and dislike about each person and slowly gain clarity over time. I tried this approach last year and felt disappointed and like I had wasted a lot of time on endless coffee dates.
The second is to engage in a thoughtful process around who you are and what you need and desire. There are two exercises that will help you to gain clarity in my FREE e-Book Soulmate Love – How to Create the Connection Your Heart Desires. Go to the top of this page and enter your name and email to download your copy!
2. Meet them as soon as possible – Everything might be great on paper and you are likely to find out many details that will help you assess suitability in an online discussion but, if there is no chemistry, or they do not make you feel like you want to feel in a relationship or their voice just simply does not work for you, this relationship is just not going to happen! So save your time and cut to the chase. If you think there may potentially be a match, meet in person sooner, rather than later.
3. Honour your intuition – Have you ever ignored that little knowing inside of you because you did not want to be alone? Have you told yourself that you are being too judgmental or picky and you should really be more open? Your intuition will never lead you astray. You have the free will to ignore it and that may temporarily satisfy your egos need of not being alone, but if your intuition is showing you red flags this very likely is not your forever partner.
4. Trust in abundance – Have you ever thought, where are all the good men? Why are all the great women married? Sometimes online dating can be very disheartening. You feel like you will never find the one. You feel like you are destined to be alone forever. Trust me, I get it! Try shifting to a place of abundance. Know that there are a lot of singles out there. That they are not all the same. That there is a special someone for you and that when the time is right and you are ready you will meet them. In the meantime, give yourself everything you desire from a future partner.
Don’t lose hope! If your heart truly desires to be in a committed long term relationship with someone that you can grow with; someone that brings out the best in you and vice versa; someone who makes you feel deeply loved and connected it WILL happen for you.
Save time and heartache and by implementing these four keys to success. Get started now by gaining clarity. Download my FREE e-Book now. Just go to the top of this page and enter your name and email address to get your copy.
And stay tuned for this week’s Glow Girl Feature with Andrea Hill of The Dinner Party to learn about an exciting new way to meet quality people in the Vancouver area!